Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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