So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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