Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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