I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
