first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's not a walk of shame if you run
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
