When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
