Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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