The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
