i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
