Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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