I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
