How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
