She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
