i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
