Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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