You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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