Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
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I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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