And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
