Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
