My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
