U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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