WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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