this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
