Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
