are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
