What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
then he tried to convert me to islam
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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