My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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