All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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