I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
