I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
