Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
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"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
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This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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