if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
