google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
