fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
