you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
