you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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