8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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