Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
