these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
