Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
