We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So drunk its hurt
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
