Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
