You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
