I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
