I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
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We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
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I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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