I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
