im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
