I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
