my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
