I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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