My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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