But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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