her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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