Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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