Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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