I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
