The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Randomize
