He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
