I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
