It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
