she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
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Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
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I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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