Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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