So drunk its hurt
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
