Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
