My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
