This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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