I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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