): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Vodka?
Forever.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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